I listened to the best podcast from The Life Coach School. She was talking about buffering, coping mechanisms we use to deal with emotions we don’t want to feel. Eating, drinking, shopping, watching large amounts of television, reading for hours a day, etc… There are so many ways that we try to escape from our emotions.
That is the part that I feel like we all know and understand. What followed though is the part that really struck me. She talked about how we are buffering to make certain things in our life more tolerable. We are buffering so that we can be okay with things in our life that we really shouldn’t be okay with! We are buffering to tolerate the parts of our lives that need to be changed.
Writing this out, it doesn’t seem like that monumental of an idea, but there was something in it that was so powerful for me. We buffer because we think it makes our lives better, but our buffering is actually keeping problems in our lives. Our buffering is exactly stops us from taking the steps and making the changes that would truly make our lives better.
Let’s say you are in an unhealthy relationship. Maybe you buffer by working out excessively, or eating large amounts of candy, or spending hours scrolling online. Doing these things brings you just enough pleasure to distract you from the misery your relationship is causing you. If you didn’t buffer, you would actually FEEL the feelings you have about your relationship. You might realize that being around this person doesn’t make you feel very good about yourself. You might realize that you don’t really enjoy his jokes made at your expense. You might realize that you don’t really want to be in a relationship with him. But as long as you are buffering your emotions instead of feeling them, you won’t make the change. Because the buffering makes the relationship tolerable.
Our emotions can be our most powerful motivators. People always talk about how powerful it is when you feel confident or happy. It changes your behavior. You show up differently. Our negative emotions are just as important though in shaping our behavior. When you feel discontented, and truly allow yourself to feel it and analyze it, it will change your behavior. It will motivate you to make the changes you need so you don’t feel discontented anymore. When you feel frustrated, angry, or upset….that is a signal that you need to change yourself or your circumstances. ALL emotions are powerful motivators for behavior.
Examine your life and ask yourself these questions. How do I buffer? What emotions am I buffering? Where are these emotions coming from? What changes might I make if I wasn’t buffering to make things more tolerable? What is the buffering helping me tolerate?
Work In Progress 