I’ve been reading the book, Mother Teresa- Come Be My Light. I remember learning about her as a young elementary student and being inspired by the life of service and love she led. What I didn’t know, until reading this book, was the excruciating and lengthy darkness she experienced for the majority of her service. In the beginning of her life, she felt such a closeness to Jesus. She loved Him with her whole being and committed to never refuse him anything. She had some very powerful experiences that propelled her to pursue the path of service that she undertook. It took years of asking and pleading relentlessly with her superiors in the church before she was finally able to undertake the mission she felt called to. Then as soon as she started, she felt a darkness and a separation from Jesus and His love. It left her in agony. All she wanted was to love and serve Jesus, and to have Him love her. Yet she felt her heart had turned to stone. It was the greatest trial of her life, more than anything else that she suffered. Reading her own words in the book was powerful.
Darkness has been my companion more frequently in my life than I’d have chosen. One of the hardest parts of it was always the disconnection from God and the spirit. I often found myself desperate to know that it wasn’t because of my own sin and weakness. It was so hard to cling to my belief in a loving and merciful God when I didn’t feel either of those things. Reading about Mother Teresa, a woman I had admired for her love, kindness, faith, and willingness to sacrifice….if she experienced those things as well….it made me feel better. It gave me peace knowing that darkness is sometimes sent from God, even when we don’t immediately understand why.
One of her quotes that I wrote and hung on my wall is, “Let us accept whatever He gives and give whatever He takes with a big smile.”
Work In Progress 