Pillow Talks

One of the things we do in our family is something called pillow talks.  We wanted a scheduled time when we could talk more deeply with our kids individually, a time where we were intentional in talking about how they were doing.  Once a month, the kids take turns talking with us.  It’s usually on our giant bed, which is where the pillow talk name came from.  We talk with each of them about what they are enjoying and not enjoying about their life, how things are going with their friends, their spiritual habits they want to improve, goals they have or things they want to learn how to do, what they’d like to do more of as a family, changes that are coming up in their life, different rules and why we have them, issues that need to be addressed, etc.

Our littlest kids eat up the individual attention.  They never want to stop talking and telling us what they think or how they feel.  Our four year old talks about how much she loves playing with her cousins every time.

We had a lot of talks with our 12 year old about what it might be like to start junior high with her neighborhood friends after not going to school with them for so long.

We talked with our 16 year old for years about hanging out with girls and dating, why we would have certain rules in place, and how those would benefit him.

We talked yesterday with our 10 year old about why she isn’t liking her acting class and how she would rather try an art class.

We talked with our 14 year old about how her play was going and how she was handling the weight of all the rehearsals.

It is where we have the best talks with our kids.  It gives them a chance to reflect on their life and what is working well for them and what isn’t.  It gives us a chance to hear their concerns or why they don’t like certain rules and see if we can come up with a different solution.  It gives us all the chance to look ahead and see what they need to prepare for.  It strengthens our relationship with each of them.

There are definitely months where we miss doing it-we aren’t perfect.  But we do it most of the time because it is scheduled on our calendar.  There is great power in putting these kinds of things on our calendars.  Every month’s conversations also aren’t always incredible.   Teenagers aren’t always in the mood to talk, and that’s okay.  Doing it consistently for years is where we’ve really seen the benefit.  It has been a powerful tool in helping us have a peaceful home and better relationships with each of our kids.