I’m going to apply to a couple of schools for a master’s degree. The program I’m trying to get into is pretty competitive, and I’m definitely at a disadvantage because I haven’t been in school for so many years and don’t have working relationships with any professors. I went to a college fair today where various schools around the country had information about the program I’m pursuing. I talked with a few colleges about my disadvantage to see how much it might affect my chances of getting in and whether there was anything I could do to compensate for it. Their responses weren’t very encouraging.
I left the college and got in my car feeling pretty discouraged. Maybe I should have been doing more to make me a better candidate. Maybe I wouldn’t get accepted to any program. Maybe all of this time and energy I’ve put into preparing myself has been pointless.
Then I took a breath and calmed down. I have felt guided to pursue this and I know that it is what I’m supposed to do. I have worked hard to prepare myself in the best ways I can. Maybe I will get accepted. But maybe I won’t. I don’t know. However, I DO know that I don’t have any control over whether I’m accepted or not. I’m not the one who gets to make that decision. That being said, I DO have control over my application. I’m the one who writes my essays, I’m the one who decides who will write my letters of recommendation. I’m the one that took the test and completed the classes so I could present my scores. Those are the things I can control. Those are the things I can strategize about and work on. Whether I get accepted…..completely outside my control. I can spend all the time I want worrying about it, but it won’t do anything good for me.
Sometimes I think we feel it’s necessary to worry. If we don’t, it somehow means that we don’t care enough or aren’t trying. That simply isn’t true. Worrying does nothing for us. It weighs us down and brings feelings of hopelessness and despair. Our mental energy is focused on trying to figure out things we can’t control. Letting go of worry means accepting that there are a lot of things outside your control. It feels scary to do that. We want to know we have the power to prevent bad or hard things. We think if we just think hard enough we will know the perfect way to prevent our kids from doing dumb things, or make our spouse different, or get professors to let you into their program. We don’t have that control. We have control over ourselves. Our thoughts, our feelings, the things we say or don’t say, and the things we do or don’t do. When you accept that certain things are outside your control, it allows you to see clearly and focus on what IS in your power.
I can’t control whether I get accepted into the program I want, but I can control my application. So off I go to write the most persuasive essay I can about why I’m the perfect candidate.
Work In Progress 