Being a mom isn’t just snuggles, kisses, and feeling all warm inside. Sometimes being a mom means that you intentionally make your life harder because you know it will benefit your child. It isn’t enjoyable, and it isn’t often talked about. Here’s why: there’s this weird, unspoken, untrue belief circulating among women that if you describe motherhood as anything other than bliss, then you’re not a “good mom.” If you really loved your children-and liked them too-if you really were grateful and appreciative of them, then you would never find anything hard about being a mom. Which is total crap.
Of course being a mom is hard. It’s okay to say that. You don’t need to feel guilty or bad about fessing up to the unpleasant parts. Of COURSE there are unpleasant parts. Lots of them. Speaking about them, being honest about them, doesn’t show the world that you don’t love your kids. Quite the opposite is true. Being open and honest about how hard mothering can be is a testament to how much you love them, how much you are willing to sacrifice for them. As moms, we intentionally DO the hard things BECAUSE we love our kids and want what is best for them.
I’ve had some experiences the last few months with one of my kids that really reinforced that for me. This child did not want to do something because of fears and anxieties she wouldn’t even acknowledge. I pushed her to do it. Forced her would be the words she would use. Her response was quite hard to endure. I was relentlessly bombarded with angry attacks for several weeks. I thought several times about how much more pleasant my life would be if I just didn’t care: didn’t care that doing this was exactly what she needed for her own growth, didn’t care that doing this could help her walk down a better road in the future, didn’t care that doing this could help her face her fears and anxieties head on rather than fuel them by running away. My life would have been much easier if I didn’t care. But I do. I’m her mom and I care more deeply than probably anyone else in this world about her long term welfare. Trust me when I say that I wanted to give in and let her quit. I’m a people-pleaser, peacemaker kind of girl, and it was really hard for me to endure her response. This girl is fierce, smart, determined, and relentless-all good things, but not terribly enjoyable when YOU are the one she is determined to overcome. I prayed hard and honestly hoped I would get an answer that it was fine to let her not do it. My mother heart told me otherwise though, so I soldiered on for several weeks miraculously staying calm in her storm. And I held my ground. Finally….FINALLY….after several weeks of fighting with all she could to try and get me to change my mind, she accepted her fate and gave up her resistance. It was a good day. A very good day.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Speaking openly about the hard things that come with the territory of raising kids does not make you less of a “good mom.” It truly emphasizes how much you love those kids that are lucky enough to call you theirs.
Work In Progress 