Not that long ago, I had the opportunity to be at the hospital with my mother-in-law while her husband’s body was shutting down. My husband and I were both there with her as his stepdad took his last breaths. It was the third time in my life that I have been there as someone passed away. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time.
For so much of our lives, we take our bodies for granted. We assume our hearts will just keep beating, that our lungs will continue to breath, that our limbs will function just as they should. At times we even resent our bodies. Why can’t we be thinner, or stronger, or healthier. But as I watched my father-in-law’s body slowly shut down, I just felt so much gratitude for this body that had served him so faithfully. His heart had been beating minute by minute for so many years. His arms and legs had allowed him to accomplish so much in his lifetime, even though his back brought him much pain in his old age. His lungs, that were now struggling to function, had provided him with the air he needed minute after minute, day after day, month after month, and year after year. This body was the vehicle that allowed him to live a life. Our bodies are incredible. Without them, we wouldn’t be capable of anything. Watching his body slowly shut down after so many years, it was easy to see it for what it truly was, a miraculous gift.
My husband’s step dad had a complicated relationship with many of the people in his life. He was blunt and not overtly affectionate. He wasn’t the type to hug, give compliments, or express his love. He liked to take charge when a project needed to get done. Sometimes people walked away from interactions hurt or upset. But it was interesting to see the clarity that came as they watched his time on this earth wind down. Everyone was seeing and accepting him for who he was instead of who they thought he should be. They realized that so much of his behavior was influenced by events from his childhood and the way that his parents raised him. They saw that while he didn’t express his love in traditional or desired ways, he DID express it in HIS way. They saw that all those times he made them work hard, it was because he wanted them to turn into the best people they could be. They saw that he was diligent and faithful to what he believed. They saw that he had fears, insecurities, and weaknesses. But they also saw that he had dreams, talents, and wonderful gifts he had given them. They saw him as he truly was rather than being blinded by who they thought he should be. Because of that, their hearts were filled with immense love and gratitude.
It was truly inspiring. I want to let go of the expectations I have for everyone in my life. When I walk around thinking that people SHOULD be a certain way, or thinking I would be so much happier if they’d only respond how I want them to……my heart isn’t full of love and gratitude. It’s full of disappointment and discouragement and frustration. But when I let go of my expectations for how I think they should be, when I can free myself from taking their behavior personally, when I can let go of wanting them to be different for my benefit……then I see people differently. My heart is full of love, compassion, respect, and gratitude because I understand that while none of us are perfect, and some of us have been broken and might struggle to hold our pieces together, we are all trying our best to love and be loved.
Work In Progress 